PAX Prime Royal Rumble 2015
August 30, 2015 - Seattle, Washington - The Grand Hyatt - Hydra Theatre

Filmed and edited by Eric Kanius and Cheslea Smith.

The 3rd Annual* PAX Rumble was truly one for the ages for a multitude of reasons. The show began with a series of promo videos highlighting some of the top feuds coming into the event. Aaron Trites & Eric Pope then welcomed the capacity crowd and presented a video recap of PAXAMANIA to make sure everyone was aware of the dark times LOH has been in for the past five months with Run GFB in power, then it was on to introductions.

Near the end of the introductions of the PAX RUMBLE participants, the fire alarm went off inside the arena forcing everyone to evacuate immediately. Seattle’s bravest fire fighters arrived on the scene within minutes to investigate. PAXAMANIA.com is still gathering information on the true cause of the fire, but there are three separate potential causes. Aaron is blaming Alex Rubens’ confetti cannons, which were deployed during his entrance. Secondly, there’s senior referee Pat Baer’s suspect fog machine. And, lastly, Dr. Tracksuit claims to have been “cooking” something in the bowels of the arena. We may have to wait until PAX South or even PAXAMANIA II to find out who the true culprit is.

Luckily, the members of the LOH Universe were safe and returned to the arena swiftly. LOH Commissioner Gruesome Greggy immediately took the stage and went on a tirade about how the entire production was a shit show and then announced that ”Dirty” Dan Ryckert was the #1 entrant to this year’s Rumble as punishment for failing to defeat Alex Navarro at PAXAMANIA I. The moment the bell rang to start the Rumble, WWE’s Xavier Woods appeared on the tron distracting Dan Ryckert and challenging him a match at PAXAMANIA II. The distraction allowed Tim Turi to attack Ryckert with a headbutt followed by dunking him into a portable toilet for a swirly.

As if there weren’t enough problems in the production, everyone then realized the game was not set up in Rumble mode and had to be restarted. With Ryckert incapacitated, Commissioner Greggy called on former referee and superstar Nick Chester to fill the vacant spot for the restart. When it finally started, it was pure chaos as one would expect. Nick Chester was eliminated in six seconds by Tim Turi, which is ironic considering Chester eliminated Jon Carnage in seven seconds at the start of the inaugural Rumble. Several other superstars came and went in the first few minutes, but the one constant was a brutal war between Sean Baptiste and Jessa Brezinski. While others were getting tossed out, these two’s horns were locked the entire time until Sean finally clotheslined her off the apron.

After being eliminated by Kate Welch, Danny O’Dwyer took a swing at Commissioner Greggy, then high-tailed it out of the arena and straight to the SeaTac airport with his suitcase in tow. Then, in a shocking turn of events, former guest commentator Patrick Klepek stormed the ring and eliminated both Kate Welch and Sean Baptiste at the same time. He had a chance for a hat trick but failed to knock Steph Bayer off of the apron before Khahil White ran down the ramp. Patrick did end up eliminating her later anyway though.

The story of the middle of the Rumble was Dan Teasdale running roughshod on everyone. “The Thunder from Down Under” had not competed since the inaugural Rumble, but it was obvious he’d spent the last eighteen months practicing for an inevitable return. For the second time, he successfully eliminated his arch nemesis, The UnderDraker. Teasdale went on to eliminate six other superstars in his seven minutes in the ring.

After Dr. Tracksuit was eliminated swiftly by Teasdale, Commissioner Greggy got in his face for hitting him with the guitar at the end of PAXAMANIA, which left the commish with a severely damaged vertebrae in his neck. As a result, Gruesome Greggy promised to fire someone from Run GFB by the end of the night. Soon after that, Chris Faylor stood alone in the ring but was soon overrun by a cast of fellow rookie superstars including the Cyberdwarf, who instantly became a fan favorite. Although the Cyberdwarf lasted over four minutes in the ring, he failed to eliminate anyone except himself when he attacked Jon Brown with a slingshot on the apron. Ironically, Jon Brown immediately did the same thing to Samit Sarkar making him the third superstar to ever eliminate himself from the Rumble. Aaron Trites later named Cyberdwarf the Most Valuable Newcomer to LOH Wrestling.

Towards the end of the Rumble, after Samantha Kalman had entered, and with D-Leazy already in the ring too, The UnderDraker and Dr. Tracksuit tried to interfere as they always do. Austin Walker was able to fend off the Prescriber of Pain, but Alexa Ray Corriea took a shot to the skull from The UnderDraker’s urn in the melee. Sean Baptiste then locked The UnderDraker in a bear hug of love, thus incapacitating him. The Cyberdwarf was then seen stomping a mudhole into the UnderDraker’s corpse.

It eventually came down to Samantha and Samit. Samit had eliminated both D-Leazy and Alexa, for his only allegiance is to… the New York Yankees? But, although Samit endured a long time in the Rumble, it was not his destiny to win. With a stiff clothesline, Samantha Kalman won the 3rd* Rumble and immediately demanded The Wolf. Commissioner Greggy had a surprise in store though. In order to keep all interference at bay, the title match would be fought inside a steel cage! He claimed each pillar weighed 400 lbs and each chain link could crush any normal man.

The LOH Champion slowly entered the ring having donned the black of Run GFB. Navarro claimed he didn’t need the help of anyone to retain his title and had some harsh words for the Commissioner. When it appeared that Samantha had the upper hand in the match, Navarro despicably ripped his controller out of the N64. This gave Dr. Tracksuit enough time to flail his way through other superstars and entered the cage. It seemed as if Run GFB was going to walk out of Seattle with the championship, but when the champ commanded Dr. Tracksuit to take out Samantha, he paused. The group hug from the Indie Love Coalition at PAXAMANIA must have worked, for Dr. Tracksuit simply hugged the challenger. The champ was incensed and demanded an explanation from the maniac of Run GFB. Dr. Tracksuit’s answer was a hug that stunned Navarro. Samantha then revealed she had a shard of the indie trophy broken by D-Leazy earlier in the year. She smashed it over Navarro’s head knocking him out cold, then escaped the cage to claim the LOH Championship in her hometown of Seattle!

After Samantha’s speech, Navarro blamed D-Leazy for Run GFB’s failure to protect his 500+ day title reign. The former champ quit the group and walked out. The UnderDraker then appeared and discarded his hat, trench coat, and wig declaring the tenants that Run GFB were founded upon were no longer what he envisioned at the beginning. John Drake, reborn, now intends to shill for whoever pays him the most money. With D-Leazy being the last member of the group and the Commissioner promising earlier to fire a member, D-Leazy was fired from LOH Wrestling. Run GFB is dead. The era of love has arrived. What’s next for LOH? Who can say?

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