PAX East Rumble 2014
The tale of “Gruesome Greggy” Greg Miller is an interesting one. When he debuted in LOH, as the sole member of Team Fat, he was a kinda funny superstar who claimed to model his life after The Blue Meanie. He lasted less than two minutes in the inaugural Royal Rumble and was one of the many who fell to “The Wolf” Alex Navarro. And then everything changed.
PAX Prime Rumble 2014
Miller entered the second Rumble on a mission. Controversially, he entered at #30 at the same time as Felix Kramer and choked out D-Leazy, who was dominating the match. Miller took control of Faarooq and went on to win the match. His dream of becoming champion was within his grasp. His quest for vengeance was almost complete. And then… The Wolf destroyed him. Miller was a bloody mess within a minute and was defeated in less than three. In an epic temper tantrum, Miller stole the championship belt and ran out of the arena.
By PAXAMANIA, Miller had hatched a maniacal plan to take control of LOH. He revealed that he had sought the council of Aaron Trites’ Pap Pap, and had been named the new commissioner of LOH. With this power, he had engineered a championship match for Dan Ryckert, who no one believed deserved such an honor. Navarro was forced to sign the contract in order to get his belt back, otherwise Miller was going to strip him of it. On top of all of this, Ryckert had hired Run GFB for backup. The plan was perfect. There was no way Navarro could escape PAXAMANIA as champion.
Except he did. Miller’s master plan failed miserably as, during the main event, Navarro revealed that he was the newest member of Run GFB. A confused Dan Ryckert was hit with several glass bottles, then slammed through the Spanish announce table. Miller, distraught by what had just occurred, demanded answers from Run GFB. For this, he received a guitar to the head by Dr. Tracksuit.
PAX Rumble 2015
After a fire alarm that resulted in the entire theatre being temporarily evacuated, the 3rd Annual* Rumble began with an announcement that Dan Ryckert was being punished by the Commissioner for PAXAMANIA and would be starting the Rumble as the #1 entrant. The match actually began in the wrong mode of the game, which further enraged and embarrassed the Commissioner as he led a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant that echoed throughout the Grand Hyatt’s halls thanks to the “slack-jawed yokels who put down their schillings” to come to PAX.
When Danny O’Dwyer was eliminated, Greg got upset when he would not leave the ringside area. The commish told Danny to go back to Ireland and tend to his potatoes. O’Dwyer packed up his gear and headed for the exits with his suitcase. On his way out, he decked the Commissioner, knocking him out cold. He woke up just in time to see Dr. Tracksuit get eliminated, so he confronted him about getting hit with a guitar at the end of PAXAMANIA. Greg was so upset by this point, he promised to fire a member of Run GFB from LOH Wrestling by the end of the night!
After D-Leazy was unexpectedly eliminated by Samit Sarkar, he had some harsh words for the Commissioner. Greg’s response was simply to thank him for Borderlands on PlayStation Vita, which silenced the giant of Run GFB. As if enough hadn’t gone wrong with the Rumble already, someone miscounted how many participants there were and forgot about Lasercorn. So, when the 30th entrant countdown hit, the LOH Universe started chanting for Greg to enter. The Commish responded by saying he had “ascended” and was above having to compete anymore. He then directed his anger towards this very website for not promoting his great deeds enough. In Greg’s mind, LOH Wrestling is only possible because of him. The capacity crowd turned on Greg and “Fire Greg!” chant commenced. Aaron claimed he couldn’t fire Greg because he isn’t technically employed. According to Aaron, Greg just shows up and yells louder than everyone else, so he gets to stay.
When Samantha Kalman won the Rumble, Greg announced that the LOH Championship match against Alex Navarro would be held within a steel cage to prevent interference from Run GFB. Samantha won the match much to Greg “Anyone But Navarro” Miller’s delight. But, he also had a promise to keep. Navarro and Drake had just quit Run GFB and Tracksuit had stormed off in a cloud of confusion after being swayed by the power of love. So, the last man standing in Run GFB was D-Leazy, which made the Commissioner’s choice quite simple. He fired D-Leazy from LOH Wrestling just as the broadcast was going off the air. Truly the biggest shit show in the history of our sport.
Southern Slam 2016
The commissioner decided Southern Slam wasn’t worth his time. He did, however, send a video message claiming he would return at the next “real” PAX, the home of PAXAMANIA II. Due to his absence, D-Leazy was able to find his way back into the company after being fired the previous August.
Due to WWE World Tag Team Champion Xavier Woods being stuck in England and having to drop out of the event, the week leading up to PAXAMANIA II became all about Dirty Dan Ryckert challenging the Commissioner to a “Loser Leaves Town” match for the main event. Miller continuously rejected the challenge by citing his superiority to Ryckert in every conceivable way. This angered Ryckert to no end and led to a vicious attack on Miller during a live event at the Rooster Teeth booth during PAX itself.
Ryckert was subsequently ejected from PAX and his badge confiscated. As a shock to no one, he still found his way into the main theater for PAXAMANIA the following morning. Miller continued to ignore Ryckert during the event until, suddenly, the jumbotron behind the ring filled with static and began receiving a transmission. It was none other than Shuhei Yoshida, President of Sony’s Worldwide Studios and Greg Miller’s mentor! It was revealed that the real reason Miller refused to wrestle was that he had promised Shuhei on the life of the Vita that he would never step foot in the ring again. Shuhei explained that with the recent releases of games such as Severed, Axiom Verge, and Risk of Rain on Vita, he felt it was safe to release Miller from his promise. “Go kick Dan’s ass!” he exclaimed as the Skype transmission faded away.
In the main event, Miller revealed he had hired the help of a legion of monsters from Kaiju Big Battel to ensure that none of Ryckert’s shenanigans would be successful. When Ryckert entered the ring, he was immediately jumped by the monsters. With Ryckert nearly incapacitated, Miller made quick work of defeating him in WWF WrestleMania: The Arcade Game on SNES. In an attempt to shame Ryckert even further, Miller tore off Ryckert’s American flag mask only to realize it had been Patrick Klepek all along! It was at this moment that one of the Kaiju monsters, Dr. Cube, removed his helmet revealing himself to be the real Dirty Dan. He immediately hit Miller with a vicious forearm to the back of the head followed by a stiff elbow drop. To make matters worse for the commish, the rest of the Kaiju monsters began attacking his lifeless body as well. The only thing that saved him from utter destruction was a hypnosis spell cast by Ophidian that forced everyone to dance uncontrollably.
It was later revealed by Pat Baer that while Miller had temporarily stepped down as commissioner to compete, someone else had bought the entire promotion. Who exactly bought it was a mystery until Seattle.
PAX RUMBLE IV
Due to injuries suffered at the end of PAXAMANIA II, Greg arrived in Seattle for PAX RUMBLE IV confined to a wheelchair and unable to speak. Assisted by Genevieve St-Onge, Greg was able to speak through an computerized voice thanks to his wireless keyboard. Though he couldn’t be as boisterous as usual, Miller continued to make comments throughout the event and even demanded to be picked up and placed in the ring for the introductions.
Before the Rumble began, a man resembling Dirty Dan Ryckert appeared claiming to be Canadian Dan Ryckert, an indie developer from Manitoba City. Greg wasn’t buying it, but after this new Dan Ryckert advised him that he was a Patreon subscriber, Greg was all for letting him stay. Throughout the Rumble, ownership of League of Heels changed hands multiple times. At the end, it was revealed that Greg Miller had used his large sums of Patreon money to reclaim his role as commissioner of the league through a shadowy corporation known as Fog Machine Inc.
Greg then miraculously rose out of his wheelchair and went on a legendary rant before being shoved out of the ring by the new champion, Austin Walker, as the show went off the air.
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