John Drake

PAX East Rumble 2014

John Drake is a menace to society. Prior to the inaugural Rumble, he set the tone for years to come when he shattered a beer bottle over the head of D-Leazy. In the actual match, Drake entered at #14, but was almost immediately eliminated when his arch nemesis, Dan Teasdale, made a surprise entrance at #15. Drake then formed an alliance with Dr. Tracksuit to re-enter the match by smashing glass bottles over the heads of both Teasdale and D-Leazy. Drake ended up illegally eliminating Tim Schafer, which led to a vicious beating which ended with Schafer leaving Drake a shoeless, bloody mess.

The Lang Zone is real.

PAX Prime Rumble 2014

At the second Rumble, Drake was one of the first four in the ring, but lasted over nine minutes before being eliminated by Mitch Dyer. About fifteen minutes later, the lights in the Hyatt went out, and Dr. Tracksuit appeared with a golden urn. The power of the urn (probably just Diet Coke) resurrected John Drake, and the two of them shockingly smashed glass bottles over the heads of “The People’s Champ” Samantha Kalman and Shawn Allen instead of D-Leazy. It was then that Drake and Tracksuit revealed the unthinkable. They were members of Run GFB along with D-Leazy, thus forming the most hated faction in all of eSports entertainment.

Same great taste. THE UNDERDRAKER!
Shawn’s revenge. Run GFB at the 2nd Rumble.

PAXAMANIA

By the time PAXAMANIA rolled around, The Underdraker and Run GFB had been challenged by the newly formed Indie Love Coalition, led by Samantha Kalman. In a Best of 3 Falls Saturday Night Slam Masters match, Run GFB was defeated 2-1. Drake lost his match against Shawn Allen after a failed attempt to recruit Shawn to Run GFB.

In the main event of PAXAMANIA, Run GFB had been hired by Dan Ryckert in an attempt to stack the deck against the PAXW champion, Alex Navarro. But, Dan’s plan failed miserably when it was revealed that Navarro was the newest member of Run GFB. With the champion in their stable, The Underdraker and Run GFB appeared to be unstoppable.

PAXAMANIA entrance. The power of the urn. Pure treachery.

PAX Rumble 2015

At the 3rd Annual* Rumble, The UnderDraker was the first member of Run GFB to enter the match. At #12, he entered immediately after his own personal nemesis, Dan Teasdale, who had spent the last eighteen months training in seclusion for this moment. In a swift two minutes, Teasdale eliminated Drake just as he did in the inaugural Rumble. The deadman refused to leave the ring until he was forced to by Commissioner Greggy. Late in the match, Run GFB attempted to interfere in an attempt to ruin Samantha Kalman’s chance of winning. The UnderDraker was stopped by Alexa Ray Corriea, but he retaliated by knocking her out with his urn. Luckily, he was stopped by several other superstars, and the urn was smashed by Austin Walker. After Navarro was defeated by Kalman, The UnderDraker quit Run GFB claiming it wasn’t what he had signed up for last year. John Drake the wheeling’ and dealin’ business man has returned.

Eliminated by Teasdale again. Dastardly deeds. Drake quits Run GFB.

PAXAMANIA II

John Drake arrived at PAXAMANIA II stylin’ and profilin’ in a suit that was literally made of money. Calling himself “Johnny Cashanova,” Drake stated he was on a mission to oust Greg Miller from his seat as commissioner in an attempt to restore some order to the federation. To help him, he enlisted The Gentleman as his new tag team partner. Together, with the help of several thousand dollars, they bought their way to victory in the Jeff Green Memorial Tag Team Tournament. In the main event, Miller voluntarily stepped down (temporarily he thought) as commissioner in order to fight Dirty Dan Ryckert in a “Loser Leaves Town” match. It was revealed later that someone used this window to purchase LOH Wrestling and is refusing to reinstate Miller as the commish. Was it Drake? No one currently knows.

High rollers. Coming for the commish. Paying their way to victory.

PAX RUMBLE IV

At the beginning of PAX RUMBLE IV, it was revealed that “Johnny Cashanova” was the mysterious new owner of the league. Along with his fiancé, ”The Bank”, they called themselves The Shillionaires and promised to usher in a new era in eSports entertainment. He announced that he was looking for more investors to help him pay back his fiancé. As the new majority owner, Drake stayed at the announce table throughout the Rumble providing guest commentary. Around entrant #10, it was announced that Jeff Green had purchased a majority stake in the league. Several minutes later, Jeff died (again) and left his stake in the league to Amarisse Sullivan and Jacqui Collins as a birthday gift. Neither of them accepted, which seemingly left Drake with all the responsibility again. That was until D-Leazy Esq. sued the league on behalf of his client Alexa Ray Corriea and wrested control away from Drake.

In the Rumble itself, Drake entered conspicuously at #29 and won the whole thing by eliminating Khahil White and Samit Sarkar in quick succession. Drowning in a wave of collusion and inspired by Austin’s display of wealth when he threw gold chains melted down from the old belt into the crowd, Drake decided he to give up his spot in the LOH Championship match to Austin Walker. Then, at the end of the show, Drake announced that he had allied himself with a shadow corporation known as Fog Machine Inc. to buy back a majority share and thus reinstated Greg Miller as commissioner of the league.

The Shillionaires. New league. New belt. Entering the Rumble…for the 6 time in 4 years.
Oh, collusion! An unholy alliance.

PAXAMANIA III

As majority share holders of the league and the commissioner nowhere to be found, Johnny Cashanova and The Bank arrived in Boston for PAXAMANIA III with a plan to save money. They booked a smaller arena than last year and came up with a tag team warfare concept so they didn’t have to pay the superstars as much per match. Obviously, this didn’t sit well with the LOH superstars. On the behalf of the entire league, the LOH Champion Austin Walker stood up and challenged the “Shillionaires” to a match. If Austin won, everyone gets paid a respectable wage (including the AV Club). If Drake wins, Austin’s out of the league. The main event was set.

Before we could get to the main event though, Drake introduced a new superstar to the league. In the opening match, a team of veterans were set to take on a team of rookies. One of those rookies was Drake’s Vampire Butler. In a league that’s seen ghosts, snake men, and cyberdwarfs, vampires shouldn’t be too surprising. When his butler scored the winning elimination of the match, Drake jumped out of his seat in excitement…and tore his left achilles tendon in the process. Despite excruciating pain, he continued with the show.

After blaming the AV Club for the controversial ending to the NYC vs Canada match, Adam and Ethan packed up the N64 and left the arena. The following tabletop match was such a debacle that Drake was forced to bring the AV Club back. He claimed he still couldn’t afford to pay them, but promised them credit on the League of Heels website.

In the main event, was unable to generate much offense. Danielle Riendeau quickly took him to the ringside area in an all-out brawl. The Boxing EMT leveled Drake with a right cross that sent him crashing through the announcers’ table. That was more than enough for Danielle to score the pinfall that eliminated Drake from the much. Shortly thereafter, The Bank tapped out to a cobra clutch from Austin Walker. Drake’s money jacket was given to the AV Club as payment for their work and Drake was taken to the hospital after the show.

A match is made. An ankle is hurt. A night is ruined.

Hometown
100 W Ontario St
Chicago, IL
Loves
Double Fisting Diet Coke
Hates
Dan Teasdale
Train Whistles
Having His Likeness Used Without Permission
Achilles Tendons
Twitter
@johntdrake

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